When things feel like they could be looking up...

After feeling lost and hopeless for so long I think i may have a clue as to the path i would like to take.

When i was about 8 i started my own fashion range called fashton.. Get it Ashton + Fashion, i was young don't judge. I started my own little shop  in my windy house. I drew my own logo and started my own brand and all. However sadly i got hit by the reality of life, soon i left that dream because i felt that it was just a dream and dreams don't come true. I grew up with the pressure of life, school, marks, family and the worst pressure of them all society. The tv, magazines, pictures, shops etc all telling me who to be. Be a lawyer. Be size 2. Be smart. Be this, be that be everything that i have realised i don't want to be. I don't want to be a lawyer or a teacher, i don't want a normal nine to five job. The idea of that kind of life depresses me so much that i don't even want to carry on with life. I don't want to be a size 2, because here it is, i am never going to be a size 2. I have curves, yes i don't love them right now but i sure as hell plan on learning to love them. I have an ass, yes i have an ass that is big and yes it has cellulite, and i hate it yes i do. But i don't want to spend the rest of my life hating it. I would rather embrace it, make it better and most of all love it.

For the last ten years i have cried, i have shouted, i have hated life so much that i have even tried to take my life. I haven't just tried once, not twice but three times. It is still a thought that crosses my mind more than i would like to. I have been on and off medicine for the last few years and i still have never been truly happy. I think i may now understand the reason, i spent all that time trying to be someone else and then hating myself for not being them. How can i ever be someone i am not.

I need to embrace who i am and learn to love who i am and then from there do what puts a smile on my heart, face and soul. I plan to go back to being that eight year old little girl with big dreams, the little girl who believed she could rule the world. I plan to make fashion, beauty and lifestyle my life. Why because it makes me smile. Why, simply because i want to do what i feel passionate about and screw whatever anyone else says. Because guess what i have to live with who i am for the rest of my life and i have to be happy with who i am for many more years to come.

I would love to have you join me on this journey to making my life about smiling and no longer crying.

Comments

  1. What an inspiring message, reminder that we all should follow our dreams. Keep going girl x

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